Re: Description criticism (was: Inform's "Listen" verb)


11 Oct 1995 12:19:17 GMT

Joe Mason <joe.mason@tabb.com> asked for comments on this description:
> "The wind cuts through your clothing, making your face raw. The sound
> is that of a thousand banshees, their screams of pain cutting through
> your soul as well."

Magnus Olsson <mol@marvin.df.lth.se> wrote:
> Sure, it's hyperbolic, but whether it's ridiculous or not depends a
> lot on the context. The parallel cutting wind - cutting sound is nice
> and should be kept. However, if you're going to use such outlandish
> similes, the rest of the description has to be toned up as well; the
> comparison between the physical consequences of the wind (cutting
> through your clothes and making your face red) and the mental
> consequences of the sound (cutting through your soul like a thousand
> banshees crying in pain) is too uneven.

I see your point, but I still object to the description (unless it's
intended to be a parody, or a humourous piece of purple prose). It's
not that I think it's unrealistic (although it is - it may get windy up
there on the North York Moors, especially ba't 'at, but I've never felt
as though my soul was in any danger); the pathetic fallacy is a
respectable literary device (think of the weather in "Julius Caesar");
but my main problem with it is that if this level of emotional
description is appropriate to a bit of wind, then how is the writer
going to up the emotional tempo when, say, the character's dearly
beloved wife has been kidnapped by the ape-men from Mars? You have to
leave something in reserve for the really important parts of the story,
not squander all your descriptive angst on the elements.

--
Gareth Rees